Stuff

Spent the night in my tent, where it seems to be a place of calm and peace Ted stayed with me until about 4 until he couldn't sleep outside anymore, and i stayed out until about 9. I miss being camping, and being able just to take a breather, and that's what staying in the tent does for me, all the great memories and good times we had in and around that tent, send me to a place that makes me feel good, and when things get really bad and the world just seems dark and ugly, i can go in the tent, leave all electronics in the house, i have my journal, my coloring book, crayons, a bed and a chair, and i just feel like its my own refuge which i was needing so badly.

Things are stressful, with trying to deal with Ted being on anti depressants, its a new medication and the side effects are showing up with Ted and he's not been the happiest person to be around, and its tough when you need a shoulder and its not there because, your loved one is going through their own stuff, and unable to be there for you.

But I am on a waiting list for a rape support group, Its a 10 week program 2 hours a week, and i'm really waiting to have some place to go where i am understood, and don't feel so lonely and actually be with people that experience the same things that i do on a daily basis. So while i wait for a spot i have a rape councelor call me every 2 weeks or so checking up on me, and continuing to support me, and continue to remind me that there are people to help me, anytime 24 hrs, and with my bad experience with some of the 24 hr help around here that's been something i've been so leary with, but honestly i think with the rape crisis line, i guess they have more understanding then just a regular crisis line.

Today I sent Susie and e-mail ending our friendship, i have asked her to stop contacting my family and myself, I have weird feelings about sending it as an email but i needed to say what i had to say and i know Susie wouldn't allow me to finish, so i did it the the only thing i knew how to do. I feel awful and guilty, i know its what i needed to do but it still feels pretty shitty.

Well laundry calls and i need to go finish it sometime today so thanks for reading, love you and i'll write more tomorrow!