December 2, 2007

This day is still so fresh in my head, and a sense of terror fills my stomach every time that i think about it. It was pretty much like any other day, Ted wasn't feeling well and i was getting ready for work, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, i kissed Ted good bye and left for work, i was driving to work, getting ready for another day at work, I had just been promoted supervisor and been trained to be a Diet Aide and I was excited about going to work. Things were good, well all except for ted not a 100%, well it was 11 am and my name is called over the loud speaker saying i had a phone call. so i picked up the phone and Ted was on the other line as soon as i heard his voice i knew something was very very wrong. He had a hard time talking and all I asked was do I need to come home? He said yes. That scared the shit out of me, Ted has always said that he could take care of himself and made things seem less serious then they were. The minute he told me he needed me at home, i knew it was bad. The weather that day was crap, the wind was blowing, there was debris all over the road and i was sobbing and scared, and was trying to drive safely and as close to the speed limit as i could. i didn't know what was going to be waiting for me when i got home, I had called Tom before i left the Hospital and he was on his way over to the house, so i thought that he would call the ambulance and all that stuff. Well i finally got home and my baby was sitting on the couch, bent over, sobbing, snot hanging off his nose, in so much pain, I was terrified, and there was my father in law just standing over ted. I think he was frozen in fear, which at the time didn't help me one bit. So i go over to my hubby and i took one look at him and said he needs a doctor, so i called 911 and got an ambulance. The came, and everytime they moved him Ted cried out in pain, I thought I was going to throw up, I didn't know what to do, i didn't know how to make him better i didn't know how to take care of him. So off to the hospital which Tom and I went behind the ambulance. They took him to the hospital, and i was scared, i went back to be with him and Ted looked so frail, i looked at the man who vowed to protect me always and I knew at that moment I had no one to protect me, I was on my own, I was terrified, I didn't know what to do. Then i got my period, i was in so much pain, the cramps were hellish, and with the stress i was in so much pain. but of course i was not prepared for my period so i had to go home, well i go home and realize that i have left my house keys at the hospital and i thought oh god i have to go back, then I remembered that my dear step daughter had climbed through the kitchen window one day when we had accidentally locked her out of the house, so i prayed that the window was unlocked, and it was thank god. So i broke into my own home, ass over tea kettle. Then rushed back to the hospital, Ted was getting x rays and ct scans, so we waited. Once Ted got back from his tests, we waited for the results but Ted finally got some relief with pain medication.

So once the doctor came in he told us that nothing showed up on the tests that they did, i was heart broken, i couldn't believe that with that amount of pain, they couldn't find a damn thing. But ted started to feel better and that was all that mattered. So I took him home, and asked Tom to stay with him while i was gone, but just before i left Ted started throwing up violently. I was scared, ted had never been so sick before, everything was so new and scary. But i quickly went out and filled his prescriptions for new pain meds and a steroid to see if the inflammation would go down. Ted spend the next 2 hours throwing up, then after he had kinda calmed down a little he went to sleep, and slept for a while. I had time to myself and i was wishing i hadn't i didn't know how to process everything i was in fear, everything went through my mind, what if having sex made this happen, what if us doing things going out to movies, walking around the mall, driving, ect, ect, ect. I became afraid to do anything i would try and make it sound like i didn't want to do anything, i worked a lot of hours, so that i wasn't going to be responsible for his pain in anyway. After all that ted was suppose to go to work the next day and I fought with him not to go to work, i wanted him to take care of himself so at the cost of how he felt i pissed him off enough to get him to make the phone call to say he wasn't going into work and he was going to call his doctor and get a NO WORK slip. I knew it was the best thing for him, and i knew that he could maybe heal. So it was a stressful month and Christmas was coming around and I was working like a mad dog. Ted and I had decided that things just weren't going to well and we decided that Christmas just wasn't going to happen for us, so we weren't going to do anything, which was very sad, but i was working anyway. Ted had a mylogram CT scan scheduled for December 26th to see if anything could be diagnose so we were waiting for that. That became the most scary ordeal i have ever experienced in my life time.